And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
