he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
