Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
