I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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