The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
