new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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