Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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