I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
