Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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