he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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