drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
