i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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