Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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