Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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