apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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