Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
