Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
