We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
