TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
