I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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