Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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