News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
