I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
