How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
