yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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