Pants 0. Shit 1.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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