On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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