Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
