i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
