your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
