It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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