East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there is glitter all over my balls
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