sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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