I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
