Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
