Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
