She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My dick has a subreddit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think people are normalizing furries
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
