I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize