I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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