i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
