I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
