By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
