Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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