I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
