you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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