ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
