does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
