The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
