About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
People in love make me want to vomit
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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