His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
