It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
