We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
