Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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