Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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