It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
