I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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