Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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