So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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