Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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