I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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