So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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