He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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