I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
