so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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