the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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