the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
