PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
