I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
