'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize