STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
